Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Oh No, You're Inside a Woman!

Men and women are not actually equal, at least when it comes to sex.  I mean, the way I have sex, I put my penis inside her vagina.  Right?  I think that's right.  I fell asleep in sex ed.  They lost me at fallopian tubes.  But the way I do it, I'm inside her.  She's not inside me. 

The reason I bring this up--well, I like talking about sex, but I got a reason--the reason I bring this up, is because the Supreme Court insists that anybody who is inside a woman is not a person.  In fact, it seems if you are partially inside a woman, you are not a person, either.  To be a person you have to be completely independent of a woman.

You see my problem.  Cause every time I have sex, I am inside a woman.  I hope I'm doing it right.  Most of me is outside.  But a huge part of me, I mean a massive huge part of me, is inside a woman.  And according to Supreme Court person theory, I have now lost my humanity.  I know, I'm an animal.  That's true.  Oh I've been called an animal before.  Just not legally.  Apparently, under the law, I'm not only an animal, I don't exist at all.  Two have become one.  And if I'm reading those cases correctly, she's the one, and I am a big legal zero.  You have to be outside the vagina to be an independent being.  If you're in the birth canal at all, look out!  The Supreme Court just dehumanized your ass.

I'm glad I'm not having sex with a black widow spider.  Damn, black widow spiders suck.  And the praying mantis.  I read when a praying mantis has sex, she bites his head off in the middle of it, just chews his head off and swallows it, and meanwhile he keeps on having sex.  Doesn't want to stop.  His head is missing and he's still having sex.  And I say to myself, yeah, that sounds about right.    

It's nice to be inside a woman, damn it.  It's not a dehumanizing vehicle.  We don't want some doctor and/or murder accomplice stabbing us while we're inside a woman.

"Kill him!  He's inside my body, hurry!"

"No, no, just my penis.  Don't stab me!  Help!"

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